oh my god, hello how are you welcome to my aquarium
"no homo" the teenage boy whispers as he pulls away from kissing his friend. he gently strokes the other males face "full bi" he adds in a sensuous tone.
can that be abbreviated FBI?
- baby: m -m-m-
- mom: meet me in the pit? mitachondria is the powerhouse of the cell?? makoto tachibana??? what?!?
- baby: mom wtf
i fORGOT MY LAPTOP WAS HOOKED UP TO THE STEREO SYSTEM SO THIS JUST PLAYED IN EVERY ROOM OF MY HOUSE OH MY GOD
[TO THE TUNE OF “PON PON PON - Kyary Pamyu Pamyu”] (Music fades in) Tabun sonnan ja dame desho Oh yea Mr Krabs oh yea oh yea Mr Krabs oh yea Mr Krabs oh yea oh yea Mr Krabs oh yea Mr Krabs oh yea oh yea Mr Krabs oh yea Mr Krabs oh yea oh yea Mr Krabs Krab Krab AHH AHH AHH Krab Krab AHH Krab AHH Krab Krab Krab Krab AHH AHH AHH Krab Krab AHH Krab AHH Krab Krab Krab Krab AHH AHH AHH Krab Krab AHH Krab AHH Krab Krab Oh yea Mr Krabs (Music slowly fades out)
WHY DOES T HIS PIECE OF SHIT HAVE 99K FUCKING NOTES NOT A DAY GOES BY I DONT REGRET MAKING THIS POST I HATE ALL OF YOU AND IM NUKING MY COMPUTER FROM ORBIT
This is so accurate. At school, we literally have children who will watch our facial expressions to see if them falling is as bad as they think it might be.
CORRECT CHILD INJURY PROCEDURE:
- do not react. at the most, maybe wince and go “ooooh”
- go over to the child to assess panic level and severity of injury
- if they’re like, dying, remain calm, but they’re probably not.
- look them in the eye and ask, “you okay?” they will nod. possibly all teary-eyed. then ask, “are we gonna need to cut it off?”
- the child is thrown off. if they giggle, you’re in the money. if they do not, put a bandaid on and do some sympathetic patting. they are probably a little teary. let the sad little bug sit out for a minute. they will quickly get bored.
- works every time
"sad little bug" is the cutest and most accurate term ive heard used to describe a child because sometimes bugs are kinda super cute sometimes bugs are really fucking annoying and sometimes bugs are downright TERRIFYING